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Just me. And my daily life.
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4 comments:
Well...I agree that being a friend has its limits. If you feel that you've been supportive all along when your friend needs a friend, but cannot in good conscience support damaging lifestyle decisions, then that's your right. I happen to think that's exactly when true friends need to step in and say, "Look. I love you and don't like what's happening to you. I cannot stand by anymore and watch what this is doing to you. Please don't expect me to. I will always care what happens to you, but as long as this is part of your life, I cannot be." And then, detach with honest concern and love. That's what I had to do in college with a highschool friend who was an alchoholic and had attempted suicide twice. I realized that I just couldn't do anything else for her, and I couldn't take it anymore. I was getting nothing but pain from the relationship. I ended it with a clear conscience.
I'm not sure about the judgmental issue on your part. You will have to make the call on that, I guess. I know you pretty well, and I think you're usually pretty levelheaded. Ask yourself what you're getting out of the relationship: are you doing all the dirty work and getting whined at for being judgmental? Is the other person trying to change fundamentally who you are? Maybe it's not a friendship as much as it is a dependency and a routine/habit. Time to evaluate and work it out.
My .02 (from an old lady.)
I definitely have felt the whole "I can't watch you do this" vibe--first in high school with my best friend who was turning to the darker side and again with a friend who was slowly becoming alcoholic. And I dearly loved both people and wish I was still good friends with them, but I know that their lifestyles haven't changed for the better.
I think I'm pretty level-headed too. I mean, being as level-headed as I am, I can see where other people are coming from with their call of "judgemental". I have had friendships that were dependency and convenience for the other person, and I ended that friendship (perhaps not on the best of terms, but I was frankly sick of it all). I think this current debacle may be a real issue, and I'm willing to step back and look at myself on that one.
It's always hard to hear things like this, especially when I think that I've been a pretty good friend and am being supportive. It's a slap in the face, and I immediately question myself about it.
I fully appreciate your .02!
That whole "being a friend is supporting the other person no matter what they're doing" line is complete and total bullshit. If your friend is doing something incredibly stupid, you tell them. What kind of friend lets their friend dig their own grave? I know you're level-headed enough to have made the right decision not supporting your friend.
And everyone's judgmental. The fact that you keep your judgments to yourself means you're better than most people at controlling it.
That's how I feel. I love my friends, and I go the extra mile for them, even when they've been shitty to me. I held onto one toxic friendship for far too long simply because I cared a lot for the person.
And I also feel that everyone is judgmental, with or without the "negative" connotation. If I were SO judgmental, I would wonder if I'd have been able to find someone to love me for me and for a strong 3 1/2 years! (As a sidenote, I just realized I'd been spelling judgmental wrong.)
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